31/12/2014

Suddenly remembered I had a blog and I had hot written in a long time. I can honestly say I am still me in my core, but i have shed some of the naivety that I used to have. I learnt how to act appropriately in front of others, how to hide and conceal ones true feelings and thoughts. No longer will I blurt out how i really feel in front of others. The hassle and effect of being truthful is sometimes too much to bear. Maybe this is a sign of me growing up, learning when to partially conceal the truth for harmony. Though my ideals still lasts in me, I know I have changed,

Pictures

Taking pictures is something that I like really much.
Taking pictures are magical.
It is able to suspend time in a moment for ever.
Looking back at the pictures, I am able to remember all my past sadness and happiness.
Pictures are something special for me.
So please be angry when i take pictures~

♥My heart-breaker

I am not a scary person, thought childish, I would never do something to hurt you.
You are scared of me even if you deny it.
How you speak to me, how you see me was totally different from before.
Are you that afraid of me?
I cared for you so deeply, but it seems that my care has caused more grief to you.
I understand, I will fade away from your life.
I hope you will still live happily without me in your life.
The fear reflected in your eyes is not something you can lie about.
Eyes are the window to a person's soul.
What I've seen pains my heart.
I will go.
I won't bother you anymore.
I will live my own life.
All the best, as we can't be friends as it hurts my heart too much.
What I wished is something I cannot get easily without giving up something dear.
Hope you'll be happy with him as I was not able to give you happiness.

Like a child

I don't like my naive nature.
Every time I thought I finally gotten over it but I get drawn back in with a reply.
Why?
Am I destined to always be like this.
Dare to do the stupidest things for the people I like.
Know there is no chance yet still don't want to give up.
Hopeless,but the spirit is burning.
拿的起但放不下。
几时我才能长大？

'Good friends'

What are good friends?
Friends to me are something very important, they are the people who will cheer you up when you are down, there are there when you need them most.
They don't make you feel lonely when you are with them.
They accept you for who you are.
It is unbelievable that it is very hard to find a good friend now a days.
People now are more selfish then a decade before.
They care about themselves more.
I cannot say that I am a good friend as this cannot be judged by myself.

Grow up.
Society is like that.
You are already used to loneliness.
Without companions.
What you experienced in your senior year let it just be a sweet dream.
Dreams are meant to fade.
The line between fantasy and reality is thin, never forget about that.
Those people who you gave the tittle good friend really never lived up to your expectation.
When you need them, they were never there for you.
There is no need for you to stick with them.
The sea is big, there is no need to befriend people who will only make you sad.
You need to steel your heart and face these challenges with a smile on your face.
Show them that even if they are not there, you still have a good time.
PLay lol, listen to music or jz go for an unplanned trip.
Just do something that can make yourself feel alive.
Forget about them and focus on yourself for once.

Together

Again with the feeling.
Being with people yet still feeling so lonely.
Being Ignored.
Being Feared.
Different people, Same story.

Damn, F*** this S***, I'm here to study.
So i give up on this, so what if I'm mike 2.
I can live by myself, I already gotten the training in high school.

People

I'm in Uk, and it seems that even here people never change.
Humans are all the same yet still different.
The need to ridicule is still strong no matter where humans are.
The need to feel superior is shown everywhere.
Everywhere scapegoats can be seen though you need an open mind to see them.
Those who ridicule themselves just to fit in, those who show off to attract attention and those who gang up to be superior, all are trying to fit into the 'normal society'.

Well that's enough random darkness for now.
School's a drag even if it is university.
The teachers are not great even tough we paid so much to study.
Is it really worth it?
How I wish the teachers will shape up.
Given us so much bull about being punctual and yet you yourself be late for your class.
Do not blame me for sleeping in your class.
Think of why I do?
Is it because your incompetence bores me?
I always thought that uni's with the small student to teacher ratio, classes will be more fun, yet I am wrong.
It is the same.
It is still boring but it is harder to slack off and sleep as the teacher will easily notice you.
The good thing with foundation is that they still use A-levels syllabus.
This means that even if I repeat undergrad, I can directly go for a-levels instead of foundation as the foundation, sorry for the pun, is already stable.
Well, so many worries and so little time.
TtFn

UK~~

Now I'm In UK, Feeling the need to troll to the max~
Tired, every day is walk walk walk walk.
Good thing my shoes are good or else my feet will be feeling the burn.
A lot to say but to tired to type it all out.
Gonna do this after i have settled down and have time to think.

Last Day

Tonight's the last night for 2011 and the last day I'll be sleeping in Malaysia for a while.
Going to Uk tomorrow, everything's ready except this laptop.
Enjoyed my last night here, preforming with my true friends.
Hope next year will be peaceful.
Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Good Luck!

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday

Today is Christmas and my beloved mother's birthday.
I went to buy a cake for her.
This can be said my 1st official present for her.
Before, I had no transport and father normally isn't at home during year end so she only could receive my happy birthday greeting.
This year, I managed to surprise her.
She wasn't expecting anything.
Hope she have a happy birthday.
Merry Christmas all~!

6 Years

A person asked me today: Clement, you will be going to there for 6 years, you don't want a farewell party?
That got me thinking.
No, not really, i don't want a farewell party.
What I want is,
I welcoming party when I get back.
I don't know how much people will be there to help me celebrate.
But, I daresay those people are the ones who truly care for me.
Rather then having a party before I go, I want one when I come back.
True Friends are eternal, though I don't think anyone will be waiting for my comeback except my family, so I don't expect much.
希望越大，失望越痛。
Having not much expectations, thought even no one celebrates for me, I will not feel sad.
Just used to it.
Clement, you have already gone through 5 years of this pain, there is no need to extend this.
Differentiate and Define whats your Fantasy world or true friends and the reality of 'friends'.
You have already been disappointed in every from, F1-Seniors, F2-Calvin,Choral Speaking F3-Class Monitor,F4-Daren,S2,Tan Kang Yao,F5-Prefect.
Everything you have experienced are major growth points towards maturity, teaching you how your 'friends' are truly are.
Your childish expectations, your manga preconceptions, your basic foundations in belief of friends are shaken and torn.
Grow up, give thanks to the pain, give thanks to the loneliness that you had experienced, those are things that made you this strong today.
I know it hurts when the ones you trusted the most was the one who started trash talking about you, I know it hurts when whom you believed to be your 'friends' said you bully them even though it was the only way you knew how to be friendly.
But, through the pain you've been through, you grown much.
Childhood dreams of having a best friend is now realistically abolished.
17 years living here, you don't have a friend who you can truly trust, who would stand up for you even if it means going against the masses, a person who knows how you feel. You had many people who know you and you know them, you had many 'friends', a bit of 'friends' who you truly trust but in the end hurts you the most, but none who you can depend on through thick and thin.
Grow Up.
Be independent from this kinds of relationships.
Family is all you would ever need.
Good Luck!!!

Medical Checkup

Today went to do a medical check-up.

Currently Healthy XD but a bit overweight T.T

Go to gym when not dancing, hope to lose a few kg before 31/12

Also went to parkson to buy a few winter clothes, expensive.

Gotta thank my mother for bring me and paying for all those.

Well nothing much more for today.

Thank you mummy!!

HaHa

You pretend to get close, yet discard it when you do not need it.

You think I foolish enough to believe you twice.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

This type of 'friend' I am better off without.

Sayorana and hope you someday know what loyalty and honor means.

Body

Body hurting lately.

Been exercising a lot and not giving it enough time to recover.

After today gonna let it rest up.

19 days to go to UK.

Excited!!

100 Days Love

Just finish watching 'My Girlfriend is a Gumiho'

Feels good to cry after a long time.

It is a drama very worth watching.

It wraps up perfectly and I love it.

Woong!

Woo Sastified

Last 3 days were a blur.

Went to KL to do my visa, and went to buy winter clothes.

They are really heavy, dunno if really pack it to go to UK will overweight or not.

KL really have lots of different kinds of food to eat, sad not enough time to eat it all.

I went to Wisma MCA(Malaysia Chinese Association) and surprise surprise not a Chinese in sight.

Strange, MCA full of Indian's and Malay's but no Chinese. Where the Chinese all go?

That's food for thought.

KLIA isn't as grand and glamorous as i thought when I was small.

All i feel in KLIA is it is big, that's all.

Legs are hurting on day 2, went shopping with my dad. Walk from morning to night, went to sungai wang, times square, lot 10 and many more places to shop for clothes, sadly not much choice for T-shirts.

Well now i'm back in Miri.

Went to the gym this afternoon, feels so good sweat after a long time.

Now feeling refreshed.

Gonna watch "My Girlfriend is a Gumiho" later.

It is a very good korean drama!!

Well off for now.

Over

Tired, SPM finally over. Accounts was a killer.

Going to rest up now, going to KL tomorrow to make my visa.

Another journey is ahead me.

Tired.

Accounts

Tomorrow's the day, the final boss to freedom.

Gonna rest now.

Waking up early tomorrow to revise 1 last time.

Good Luck!

Fighting!!

Raining

Doing accounts while listening to the rain pouring down, pitter-patter-pitter-patter and an occasional thunder.

Today was the Christmas parade. Did not go. Participated in it for 3 years already, taking a break. Though my brother did go. It was raining, unlucky him.

The day after tomorrow is the last subject, accounts.

If this was a game, it would be the final boss.

Don't have a lot of confidence in this, hope may still get good results.

Well after today, 1 day left.

Fighting!!

Lonely

Sometimes, the feeling of loneliness just hurts.

2 more days.

Fighting!!

Questions

3 more days to last subject, accounts.

Not very good at it, been doing accounts for the whole day.

Saw my parents talking outside using foochow again.

This is not a good sign.

Are we facing financial problems again?

Am I really able to go to UK?

Will my brothers are able to go if I go?

Can my parents really afford to send me to UK?

So many problems and SPM isn't over yet.

Unforgettable, Unpleasant, yet meaningful memories

Looking back this year, the main conflict is in prefect board. Here I say my thanks to all of my team for showing how to stand on my two feet without support.

To the 2Ls, thanks for your indecisiveness, making sure that I make my own decisions. Thank you for bending rules enabling me to see the truth in maintaining ones dignity

To LCH BF, thanks for your laziness , showing how hardworking I should be. I must say your acting skills are quite high leveled and I applaud to you, may you find it in yourself to posh it better, turning what is fake into reality.

To JKYJ, thanks for prioritizing other things over you duty, teaching me different types of people and how to deal with it.

To ASLCG, thank you for teaching me the differences between a friend and a acquaintance, making me face the hard reality that there a large and visible line between them.

To LRWM, your acting skills are on par to LCH BF, acts which i believed to be of good intentions inevitably turns sour. Lies and deceit.

Though remembering this sends my blood boiling, I must thank you all for forcing me to grow up and lose my naivety.

Thank You and good luck succeeding in life.

A Clean slate

Well, I promised myself that i would keep this blog as a memory of my highschool.

Been through many ups and downs and have managed to attract a lot of attention at one point.

But, all's in the past, what's in the past, stays in the past.

SPM almost finish, only have accounts left. Can't help feeling excited.

Been studying on and off for the test and it is almost over.

Have already graduated from high school, can't say that i'm sad, more like i'm relieved.

A lot had happened this year, leaving many unforgettable memories and experiences.

What's don't kill you, make you stronger.

May I have more strength for college.

May 2011 end in peace and 2012 start with a BANG!

Haha, feeling nostalgic looking back what had happened in 5 years of high school.

Grown up a lot, less naive as I used to be.

Well, a diary to myself.

Muddy clouds will always try to block shinning stars.